Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
