I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
