Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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