We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
