i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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