my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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