So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
