I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
