it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
