so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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