theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
