so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
