we're chasing vodka with high fives
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
