I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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