should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
