I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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