That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
