To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
