"it" just moved
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
