you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
