woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
