Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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