is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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