i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
