Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
