So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
