You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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