I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
that is very illegal...i love you.
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