You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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