How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
