He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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