So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
