dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i love accidental penises.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
