I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
