sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
