Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
