Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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