lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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