the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
