Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
