What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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