I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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