ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
And then he peed in my hair
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