So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
