no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
