I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
