We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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