You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
