I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
