i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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