u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
