I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
