Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
