okay pat passed out under dana's car
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We are two peas in an std pod
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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