I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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